the ugliest hand painted craft market vase in the world is no more

Dear Harrison

Notice the formality of my greeting to you. The reason for this is the seriousness of this letter. I hope one day you will learn to use your little grey paws to open Firefox and navigate your way to this blog, in order that you understand the full ramifications of your behaviour.

Here are two things I would ask that you cease:

1. Attacking any and all flowers that make their way into this house. This includes both real and fake flowers, flowers that have been given to me, flowers from the garden, single stemmed roses, huge thank you mixed bunches. The only reason you got any dinner this evening was that in eating the rose that I thought I had cleverly hidden in my bedroom all week, you managed to break the ugliest hand-painted craft market vase in the world.

2. Eating lizards and then throwing up on the floor. This is just plain gross and if I had discovered it before the breaking of the ugly vase there would have been a lot more crankiness.

If any of this behaviour continues, we may have to renegotiate our shared living arrangements. This could well involve less time for you to loll about on the lounge, much less playing in the wooden venetians and no climbing up the screen doors in search of elusive geckoes.

Regards
your faithful servant

Wendy